Had to go to the doctor today under instructions from Mumsie in Law. I woke up on Saturday morning with horrid chest pains with left arm numbness. I got on with things as I have chest pain of one description quite regularly.

Told Mumsie this yesterday and made me make an appointment there and then.

Went and saw this incredibly efficient German lady doctor. She said sit; you said how quick :-) She was nice though and she'd read through my notes beforehand which is quite a novelty in itself!

She listened to my jam tart and then did a bit of prodding and poking and has decided that the anti depressants I have to be on could be eating at my stomach lining and causing acid reflux. So I am now on tablets to counteract the nasty bits of the only anti depressants I've been on that have given me no side effects (externally) and I have to drink gavescon quite a bit.

I also have to get in touch with my Biological Mother and find out what is the name of the hereditary disease she and my Grandfather has that means half the stomach/aosophagas (sp?) removed. Getting my niece involved in that one - all secret squirrel :-D

So, we'll have to wait and see. Have been told that if I get the middle chest pain again to ring 999!

Poor old Hubbsta is getting more and more worried. He doesn't deserve this :(

Starting my own company. The reason I am proud is that my Dad would have been proud of me for making something good happen out of his passing away.

So by Peter Gabriel as every song on it is pure brilliance and it was when I was 100% happy.  That doesn't mean I'm not happy now however back then it was a different happiness, if that makes sense.

I'd go back to school in the 3rd year and tell the History teacher that I wanted to do O Level rather than CSE and tell the Technical Drawing teacher that I much preferred doing that to Secretarial Studies.

I'd hope it would change my life so that I would be a teacher by now.

I'd love to go back to the 1800 to meet the Romanovs.  Obviously knowing what happened to them I wouldn't want to stay however I would want to bring the family back with me.

Never participated however if I did, it would have to be my Dad and I wouldn't ask him anything; just tell him I love him.  I'm not sure if we can get messages from the dead however it would be nice to know that they were looking down on us :-)

There could be something said for heritary problems being passed down however a lot of it is shaped by how you are brought up.

Today should be a happy day however heard some bad news from a friend.

And I know this is so stupid however I knew my Biological Mother would forget because she doesn't give a toss, but my Step Mum forgot.  It shouldn't be important and I'm sorry for being so self involved however it's still only our 2nd.

God, I'm such a fucking wuss.

Sorry.

After just watching True Blood, the vampire who is looking after Sukie (if that's her name) as he is such a gentleman and a bit phoawww

I would ask my Mother what I did that was so bad for her to treat me like she did when I was a child.  Never confronted them.  Too scared.

I've been watching something on eBay for 7 days and I was sat there until the very last 10 seconds and looked away and someone bid over me.  I'm gutted. 

I know, my fault; should have been a bit quicker however I don't think I'd have had chance to get another bid in.

I found gluten free sausages in Waitrose and, if you are not a vegetarian, they were absolutely scrummy.  They use rice instead of wheat to make them stick together.

That's it - just wanted to share.

You know to whom this is directed.

I'm really sorry. 

It was a innocent mistake on my part.

Love

Moi
x

Well, we did it.

The Hubbsta and I went up North to collect the rest of my belongings and I saw my Grandad, which was so very, very sad as he's just like a skeleton with skin on :(

Saw my Aunt and Uncle and my Nana, which was the best.

I ended up having an anxiety attack before I went whilst in bed.  I literally thought I was having a heart attack.  I nearly went and saw my Sister, however when I told The Hubbsta, he said that if I had to think about it, it wasn't worth doing.

Back story.  I do something wrong, Sister hears about it and tells Biological Mother.  Biological Mother makes Everest out of a sugar grain and life is shit for a while so I keep away.

Down side to that is I don't get to see my most gorgeous niece and nephew.  Niece turns 16 next month so she's an adult and can choose to do what she wants which hopefully includes coming to see her Mad Aunt.

That's all.  I hurt.  It took us 4 hours to do 90 miles on Friday because of 3 accidents.

Lola missed us; there was much squawking when we came home.

If anyone knows of any charities that want books, please let me know.

Thanks

Yesterday was a hard day emotionally.  I admitted some things to Mumsie (Hubbsta's Mum) and had a good heart to heart.  We both had a good blub and blamed being allergic to the bird (as you do).

Saw a completely different side to Mumsie which has made me think even more of her. 

Very tired today. 

What a fucking shitty day so far ....

Had my weekly mental health meeting and by the end of it I was upset and angry, so much so that tears were hitting the floor.

Hoping going out tonight helps.

My blue badge came through the post this morning.  How quickly can I get the Hubbsta to drive me to our old house and park on the white line mwuhahahahahaha (if you know me personally, you'll know exactly what I am talking about).

Seriously though, it will be a big help.

Regarding Guitar Hero World Tour, I am SERIOUSLY considering buying it simply for 3 tracks; them being the Tool tracks!  I won't apologise for being a sad muppet; it makes me larrrrffffff :-)

And I found portable drums for the band games .... *keeps away from Play.com etc*

I applied for Disability Living Allowance back in June.

Hadn't heard a thing and wasn't actually thinking about what with moving etc.

Check my bank account on Sunday to find a large deposit with DLA against it.

Asked The Hubbsta to kindly pop to our old place to check the post and I've been awarded the highest rate of mobility.  Which means a Blue Badge.  Which is absolutely bloody fantastic.

First lesson of a new term :-)  We are doing foundational miniscules this term.  Can't wait.